PHYLLIS

Cleveland

Give me something to believe in

Something in which to believe

Something hiding up your sleeve

Save us from fiscal devastation

Cleveland

I need a superstar next season

You can give me what I need

I want so badly to succeed

And Cleveland, you can be the reason

I've gotta find

A diamond in the rough

Any neighborhood will do

West Park, Tremont, or Hough

They tell me that in Cleveland you

Have got to be tough

So I know there must be someone there

Who's got the right stuff

ENSEMBLE

In Cleveland

Protect our service from deletion

Quibi got it pretty quick

And we know Seeso couldn't stick

But maybe we can keep on streamin'

If we go to Cleveland

Even though we might be freezin'

Amidst the potholes and the ice

We'll find a Great Lakes paradise

From which we'll pull our next sensation

JESSE

We'll find someone hot

Like a river on fire

PHYLLIS

Someone to make the ladies laugh

And all the boys perspire

JESSE

Someone with pure midwestern charm

PHYLLIS

And also cutting satire

JESSE

Someone to take our lowly ratings

And make them higher

PHYLLIS

Not sure if I know

Exactly why-oh

But I know I-oh

I just have to fly-oh

Straight to Ohio

And more specifically...

Cleveland

Give me someone to believe in

Someone in whom to believe

Someone hiding up your sleeve

Save us from fiscal devastation

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Oh, Cleveland

We need a superstar next season

You can give us what we need

We want so badly to succeed

And Cleveland, you can be the reason

It's Cleveland

And the Greater Cleveland region

Gave us Big Chuck and Lil' John

Travis Kelce and LeBron

I just need one more great comedian

I'm begging you

Cleveland

Best location in the nation

PHYLLIS

You're my last and only shot

Please tell me that you've got

Someone to lead us to salvation

Someone from Cleveland